


tanpa cinta (without love)

by ogahta



Series: euphoria [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), matsukawa's pov, songfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-26 14:17:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ogahta/pseuds/ogahta
Summary: based on the song tanpa cinta by yovie & nuno，meaning "without love"





	tanpa cinta (without love)

**Author's Note:**

> matsuoi angst is something i never knew i needed until i write it myself
> 
> dt to spika bc she gave me the angst content i need

It’s saddening, really; to watch someone you once loved, still do, with someone else - so easily, so effortlessly, so _ quickly _. He doesn’t understand, how he could move on that quickly - was there really something when they were still together? Or was it only an illusion? Or was he only a toy that could easily be thrown away once it’s worn out?

Matsukawa watches as Oikawa laughs with his new boyfriend, his smile twice the size of what they used to share - his laugh brighter than the ones he was used to listening to every day. What changed? Oh, right. He couldn’t really say, after all, Oikawa did meet Iwaizumi first; they are childhood friends, closer than anyone else and Iwaizumi knows Oikawa better than everyone else combined. He knows all his secrets, he knows all the pains he’s been through, he knows all the sleepless nights and how his knee has started to deteriorate first. He was the first to know the change of mood in personality and Matsukawa had to say, he is the better choice for Oikawa so he can’t really be dejected that he chose Iwaizumi over him. 

But… what changed? What makes Oikawa want to be in a relationship with him in the first place? What changed Oikawa’s feelings for him to the point that there was a turning point that his feelings go to Iwaizumi? What is it that Iwaizumi has that he doesn’t?

He looks down at his hands, shaking and balled into fists - so tight he could see the whites forming around his knuckles where the blood had stopped flowing; so tight he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms; so tight that it felt numb. He felt no pain, no sadness, no regret, no anger; just numbness.

“Hey.” His thoughts were broken by the familiar voice of his best friend, the pink-haired male looking down at him with something akin to sympathy. He hated that look, prompting himself in turning away from the gaze because he knew, the longer he looks into those eyes that hold pity, he knew he’d break. Not now. Not ever.

“I’m fine.” But is he really? Hanamaki knows he’s not, yet he still gave his shoulder a gentle pat before taking the empty space next to him.

“You will be,” was all his best friend said. Matsukawa gave him a weak smile, eyes turning towards Oikawa again - only to see him locking lips with his childhood friend. 

A gentle sigh was the only thing he responded to the sight, Hanamaki squeezing his bicep. He watches and thought, “Maybe it’s better if I live without love.”

_ namun bila kau tak bisa menerima aku  
_ _ lebih baik ku hidup tanpa cinta _

(but if you can’t accept me,  
it’s better that i live without love.)

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @ogahta


End file.
